If you feel a disconnect between yourself and others, you’re not alone. Americans trust each other less than they did a few decades ago.

“Trust is the gateway for vulnerability. And vulnerability is how people form meaningful connections with each other,” explains Jennifer Rusk, a behavioral health case manager with BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee. “But sometimes, we lose that trust or we don’t know how to establish it to begin with.”

That loss of trust comes at a cost like damaged friendships or strained relationships with family members. However, you can learn how to trust others again.

Why trust matters

Jennifer Rusk: Trust makes it easier for people to work together on the job and in the community. Trust is also important to individual happiness. A study published by the American Psychological Association showed that people who trust more tend to feel happier and more satisfied with life. People who feel better about their lives also tend to be more trusting over time.

But it can be  hard for some people to trust others. When you trust someone, you let your guard down. If you trust someone and they break your trust, it can cause you to become more guarded in the future. It’s human nature to want to protect ourselves from future harm, especially if we’ve been hurt in the past.

Many factors can make it harder to trust others, including:

• Past relationships
• Childhood trauma
• How you were raised
• Some mental health disorders

Some research also suggests that people who feel a lack of control have a harder time connecting with others and trusting them. And sometimes a person’s temperment is a factor, too.

How to let yourself trust others more

Jennifer Rusk: You don’t have to trust everyone. In fact, that may not be a good strategy. But there are times when it will benefit you to let yourself be vulnerable. Here are some ways to become more trusting of others:

1. Become an observer. Watch the people you have regular contact with and identify patterns in their behavior. Do they tell you other people’s secrets? Do they act differently to people’s faces than behind their backs? If the answer to either of those questions is ‘yes,’ you might want to be cautious about trusting them.
2. Anchor yourself. It can help to put down some roots and spend time getting to know people and letting them get to know you.
3. Give a little. Take a deep breath and reveal something about yourself. It doesn’t have to be a deep, dark secret, but even a small tidbit lets the other person know something about you. Chances are, the other person will respond with some information about themselves.
4. Reveal more information over time. As someone proves themselves trustworthy, you can gradually share more details about yourself.
5. Be patient. Trust is not acquired overnight. You don’t have to trust someone right away, and they don’t have to either. Get to know each other first.
6. Be honest. Be upfront about your expectations so there’s no confusion. If a person breaks your trust, communicate that to them.

“Trust does have to be earned,” Jennifer says. “It goes both ways, too. If you want someone to trust you, you have to be trustworthy. But it’s worth the time and effort to develop relationships based on trust.”

More from Jennifer Rusk on WellTuned

Get more information about specific health terms, topics and conditions to better manage your health on bcbst.com. BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee members can access wellness-related discounts on fitness products, gym memberships, healthy eating and more through Blue365®. BCBST members can also find tools and resources to help improve health and well-being by logging into BlueAccess and going to the Managing Your Health tab.